Current location:	Bottom of Hole
Current mood:	breakdown
Current music:	Bruce Dickinson - Tears of the Dragon

-Down on my Knees-
I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point...
Really, I can't take all this much longer. The last weeks, apart from some nice events, have been horror for me. Especially this last week... I hate school, I really do. I so can't wait to finish but on the other hand I'm scared outta my wits by the ever closer approaching final exams. All this pressure makes it hard to breath sometimes and I more and more often find myself on the brink of crying.
I haven't felt like crying so much in the last ten years of my life like I have in the last three months...
The smallest things can pull me down so much these days... sometimes I feel like having a rage attack and a crying fit at the same time and for almost no reason at all. E.g. this Monday I walked home in the dark from the bus station. It was raining and storming (I HATE rain and wind) and I had my hood over my head and could only see like two meter in front of me. And every time I looked up to see how far I've come it seemed I just hadn't gotten any further... the way got longer and longer...I almost cried out of despair that time. Just think about it! That is so pathetic... cry because your way home seemingly gets longer and longer, how much deeper can one sink? Honestly, I feel like I'm so deep down in a hole that I gotta look up to see the bottom -____-
I just hope I get over this soon... fortunately, as much as small things can pull me down they can cheer me up too. So maybe, I'll be able to see a silver lining by mid of next week (when all the school tests are over for a while). Or else I might go into a real depression, I don't know...

Never thought I'd write something like this, I felt so strong all the time. People believe I am strong...hardened, almost cold hearted. But that is only what I make them believe. It is saddening to think of how very few people really know me.

-Lyrics of the Day-
Bruce Dickinson ~ Tears of the Dragon

"For too long now
There were secrets in my mind
For too long now
There were things I should have said
In the darkness
I was stumbling for the door
To find a reason
To find the time, the place, the hour

Waiting for the winter sun
And the cold light of day
The misty ghost of childhood fears
The pressure is building
And I can't stay away

I throw myself into the sea
Release the wave
Let it wash over me
To face the fear
I once believed
The tears of the dragon
For you and for me

Where I was
I had wings that couldn't fly
Where I was
I had tears I couldn't cry
My emotions
Frozen in an icy lake
I couldn't feel them
Until the ice began to break

I have no power over this
You know I'm afraid
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving
I'm slipping away

Slowly I awake
Slowly I rise
The walls I built are crumbling
The water is moving
I'm slipping away"

This song reflects my feelings, my mood, myself so much it's almost creepy...
I once wrote a lyric that resembles this in quite a few points.