Current mood:	unsatisfied
Current music:	Dream Theater

*sigh*
Oh well...
I should be so happy, ya know...but I am not. *sighs*
I went to see the doc today and he prescribed me some meds and took me off school for the rest of the week. I should be like YAY no school!!! But well... I´m thinking of what I´m going to miss in school that´ll propably be valuable in the next test, let alone that I´ll miss a big test on Friday. But I know it wouldn´t do me too good if I went to school, either. I´ll have to inform properly about what I miss.
What makes me feel even more queasy is that I already spent two days of this week doing nothing... really nothing but reading, chating and watching TV. I feel so guilty somehow cuz I should really be doing other stuff! And it´s not that I don´t have the time... I just lack motivation to start anything right now... I should work on my animations and I want to... but I can´t seem to get a hold of myself ans start it! *hrmph* >_>
I have to do something about this...it happens way too often lately. Everytime I seem to get something like a routine, when I get a grip on my life, something destroys it... and I need that equilibrium so badly ;_; It´s not that I don´t want to be spontaneous, I really like that... but I need a solid ground to stand on. And it´s my task to create said ground. There´s noone I can blame for this...it´s really all my fault and even that was hard to realize and accept at first.
I´ll have to work on myself a lot, no I want to! I can´t go on like this...
I´ll start tomorrow with finishing those darn animations! Jakka! Wish me luck or better motivation!
(Hey, it´s a good sign already that I wrote LJ today ;)

Here are the lyriks of the day: a wonderful ballad from the Dream Theater album "Scenes from a memory". One of the very few songs that actually made me cry...

Dream Theater ~ Through her eyes

She never really had a chance
On that fateful moonlight night
Sacrificed without a fight
A victim of her circumstances

Now that I`ve become aware
And I`ve exposed this tragedy
A sadness grows inside of me
It all seems so unfair

I`m learning all about my life
By looking through her eyes

Just beyond the churchyard gates
Where the grass is overgrown
I saw her writing on her stone
I felt like I would suffocate

In loving memory of our child
So innocent, eyes open wide
I felt so empty as I cried
Like part of me had died

And as her image
Wandered through my head
I wept just like a baby
As I lay awake in bed

And I know what it`s like
To lose someone you love
And this felt just the same

She wasn`t given any choice
Desperation stole her voice
I`ve been given so much more in life
I`ve got a son, I`ve got a wife

I had to suffer one last time
To grieve for her and say goodbye
Relive the anguish of my past
To find out who I was at last

The door has opened wide
I`m turning with the tide
Looking through her eyes